Rendezvous Code of Conduct

In interactions with all people, please be considerate.  Treat others as you would like to be treated.

Begin with an assumption of good intent - others mean well and are not trying to hurt you and any harm is probably accidental and not intentional.

Make space for misunderstandings.  When conflict arises, seek resolution with the individual(s) involved, requesting mediation as needed.

We are an inter-generational gathering with a lot of diversity with respect to age, life experience, religious/cultural heritage, class/socio-economic background, race, gender identity & sexual orientation, and communication preferences and norms. The natural world is strong and resilient because of its diversity, and so are we, so we strive to respect and embrace these differences.  This also means we can expect to discover the occasional blind spot and uncomfortable learning opportunity with respect to diversity. 

Please keep an open attitude to the differences you encounter.  Ask for help if you are struggling to understand some else’s perspective or preferences or if someone is behaving towards you in a way you consider inappropriate.

Reach out and get to know people who are different than you.  Find out what you have in common and what you can learn from each other.

Know your limits and boundaries and communicate them to others as clearly as possible.  Verbal communication is recommended since it is somewhat less likely to be misinterpreted.  You are the primary protector of your safety and your first line of defense.  Do your best.  Be firm.  Protect your boundaries.  And ask for the support you need to do this well.  

Respect the boundaries of others.  It’s okay for someone to say “no” to you.  Respect a “no” if you get one and be gracious about it.  Attempt to not take the boundaries of others personally.  

Ask for consent.  Especially if you want to touch someone or their things.  A verbal “yes” (not silence) qualifies as consent.  Also keep an eye out for uncomfortable body language.  If you’re not sure the other person is comfortable, ask. Refrain from pressuring someone to get what you want.  Respect their right to choose what’s best for them, even if it’s not you or what you’re offering.  

Intoxication makes clear consent difficult.  Beware of saying yes when intoxicated.  And beware of asking for consent when the other person is intoxicated.  Negotiating consent while sober is recommended.

Consent can change.  At any moment, the person who previously said YES can become uncomfortable and change their mind and say NO or STOP.  Respect the changes.  Back off.

Say “no” if you’re not in agreement with what is being requested.  If you need support in saying no or feel that it’s not an option for you, please ask for help.

If you are in a position of power, please do not approach those in lesser positions of power to engage in sexual/intimate encounters.  Power dynamics muddy the waters of consent.  INSTRUCTORS, please don’t engage with your students.  STAFF, please don’t engage with the workers you supervise.  OLDER folks, be careful when you approach anyone younger.  LONG-TIME COMMUNITY MEMBERS, be careful when you approach someone new.  Be aware of your social capital and position within the community and enter into new relationships or encounters with caution.

If you don’t understand the issues around power ethics, please ask for clarification.

If you feel someone in a position of power is being unethical, please either speak with that person about your concerns or let leadership know so we can address the issue.

Be physically, psychologically, emotionally, and spiritually responsible for your own self-care throughout the event.  Do what you need to do to take care of yourself.  Rest, nutrition, medicine, alone time, supportive friends - whatever helps.

Ask for support if you need it.  The Care Team at First Aid & the Ancestor Fire are great places to get support.  Or ask a coordinator for help finding the support you need.

Conflict is natural and normal.  In any group over time, conflict will arise.  It is an indicator that something isn’t working and needs to change.  

Be willing to examine your own role in the conflict, and be responsible for your own behavior and choices.  Do your inner work.  If possible, identify your needs in the situation and consider what the needs of the other person/people may be.  

When conflict arises, seek resolution directly with the individual(s) involved, requesting support or mediation as needed.

Be open to creative solutions.  You can’t always get what you want, but if you try sometimes, you just might find, you get what you need.

Don’t do it.  For real.  Please find another way to meet your needs that takes into consideration the needs of others.  This is a small community and what you do impacts many people and the camp as a whole.  If you need help finding an alternative way to meet your needs, please ask for it.

Physical, sexual, verbal, and emotional violence and harassment are not acceptable.  Earthskills reserves the right to ask anyone exhibiting such behaviors to leave camp.

Children.  Other than family or guardians, no adult should be alone with any child, unless the child is clearly lost or hurt and in need of assistance.  Be kind.  Protect their innocence.  Hang out with groups of kids and/or in public.  

If you receive feedback that your actions are causing harm, please take that feedback very seriously and seek the support you need to remedy the situation and if possible, to make amends.

Theft harms community members directly and indirectly.  Not only is there the cost of the goods lost, but there is the cost of diminished safety and trust in strangers.  Trust in others is a core part of what makes Rendezvous a comfortable and safe space to be.  Please don’t take things that are not yours.  If you really need something and can’t afford it, ask for help.

No illegal substances are permitted in camp.

Legal substances are permitted, and we ask that you partake of them discreetly.  Use moderation.  No open containers at main fire please.  And if you’re a smoker, please step away from the group to smoke and be aware of wind direction.

Drunkenness is not recommended and often leads to poor behavior.  Keep it in your camp if you need to go wild.  Know that you will be held responsible for your actions if they negatively impact others.

You are responsible for your behavior and choices.  

Your attitude and behavior help create the community that we are and strive to be.

If your behavior and choices are having a negative impact on others, leadership will come talk to you about it and request a change.

If you need help making a change, please ask for it.

If you fail to make the change, you may be requested to leave and/or barred from returning to the event in the future.

Breaking agreements and/or not respecting the stated boundaries of Rendezvous or the people at gathering may lead to natural or negotiated consequences.

Know that intention is different than impact.  Your intentions may have been good, and your impact may have been hurtful.  You are responsible for both your intentions and your impact.  Please be open to feedback about the impact you may be having on others. 

We strive to find restorative solutions to the issues that arise in our community.  And we’re still learning.  So please be patient as we find non-punitive ways to address conflict and accountability within our community.  We welcome your feedback.

The greater context of Rendezvous is within a wounded society that has likely resulted in personal wounds for everyone involved.  We all have old wounds and baggage and shadows, and within the experience of community these may resurface or be triggered. And that’s uncomfortable, but okay.  Discomfort is different than danger.

If possible, be aware of your wounds and triggers and know when your response is out of proportion to what is happening.

Strive to do the healing work you need in order to be well.  

Be patient and compassionate with yourself and with others when wounds are active.